There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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