I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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