Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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