then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
