He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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