I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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