apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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