Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
