So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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