Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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