Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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