Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
