my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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