He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
