Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why are your pants in the freezer?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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