you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
