he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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