Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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