That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
