Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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