On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize