So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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