If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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