I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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