she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
