You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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