My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
