youre lurking in front of me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
