Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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