I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
