tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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