I'm eating all of the evidence.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
