Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
