I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
