Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
