Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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