okay pat passed out under dana's car
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
