What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
