Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
