Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
