she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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