My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
