those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
