Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
