It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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