Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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