Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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