I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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