I puked a lego.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
