Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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