How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
someone owes me an orgasm
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
