He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
