So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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