I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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