I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
