Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
