Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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