I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
