i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
