Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
