turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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