By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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