If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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