So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
